finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
