Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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