my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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