honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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