Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
