i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
