mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
