Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
