i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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