mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
