my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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