I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
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