why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
