low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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