In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
