honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
