the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
