I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
