I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
