forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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