hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
