So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
