If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
