what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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