Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
