Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
