I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
