dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
