i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
