i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
