3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Boobs speak an international language.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Randomize
