the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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