I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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