ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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