I think i sorta joined a cult last night
where does the pee come out of this thing
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
