so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
