now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
