I like my sex mixed with concussions.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
