You can't motorboat a personality
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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