btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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