I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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