I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
