so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
