I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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