i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
