I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
