So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
