When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My life is pants optional.
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