He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I need moral support for this bender
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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