dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
