You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Randomize
