i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
