So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
