You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Randomize
