Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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