I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
