He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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